Four Funny
Stories for Sermons, Speeches and Toasts
Story One – “Maybe, He Should’ve Put It in the
Basement.” A rich man who really loved money once told
his wife, “Honey, when I die I am taking my money with me. I have left a large bag of money in the
attic. As the last thing I do just
before I ascend with the angels, I will reach down and grab that bag.” He locked the door to attic and strictly
forbade anyone in his household from entering it. The fateful day came when his funeral was
held at the local church. After all the
guests left the house upon finishing the memorial meal, his wife decided to
look in the attic. She retrieved the
key, opened the door and climbed the stairs.
There, she found the large bag of money.
Then, she said to herself, “Maybe, he should have put it in the
basement.”
Story Two – “Who Pushed Me?” In a rustic town in the Mid-West, a wealthy
man owned a large estate that rivaled the Feudal houses of the landed
gentry. On the estate, he built a large
pond which he filled with alligators, barracudas and crocodiles. Near the pond, he hung a sign agreeing to pay
instantly one millionaire dollars in cash to anyone who could successfully swim
from one end of the pond to the other. One
evening, he held a dinner party in which he invited the political, social and
cultural elite from the neighboring towns and vicinity. Surprisingly, in the middle of the party to
everyone’s amazement, they witnessed a brother swimming fast and furiously as
he evades snapping jaws of alligators, stealth of crocodiles and steely attacks
of barracudas. Shockingly but successfully,
he arrives safely on the other side of the pond. The owner of the estate stops the party to
present his guest with the prize money.
Afterwards, the owner asks the brother does he wish to say
anything. He catches his breath and says
rather angrily, “All I want to know is who pushed me?”
Story Three – “Do You Get the Point?” Once, a local church pastor sought to
demonstrate the dangers of drinking to his congregation. He placed two large containers of clear
liquids on the altar. In the one on the
left side, he had poured natural, pure spring water. The one on the right contained good, high end
vodka. He dropped a worm in the left
container and it began to swim freely and joyously. After a couple of minutes, he put a second
worm in the right container and it immediately died. The pastor then asked the congregants, “Do
you get the point?” Known to be an
excessive drinker, a congregant in the back raised his hand, stood up and said,
“Brother Pastor, I get the point.” The
pastor responded delightfully and urged that man to share the point with the
rest of the members. The man said, “If
you drink, you won’t get worms!”
Story Four – “The Butt Naked Truth” The story is told of an encounter
between “Mr. Truth” and “Mr. Lie.” One
day, they bumped into each other as they had decided separately to take a
stroll. Mr. Truth was dressed impeccably
with fine, rich and refined designer clothes made from the very best fabrics,
threads, and craftsmanship. Seeking to
emulate if not surpass his counterpart, Mr. Lie was wore synthetic and
artificial versions of Mr. Truth’s clothing which he secretly and greatly
admired. In fact, Mr. Lie actually
envied Mr. Truth and his clothing. As
they progressed on their stroll, they came upon a pond of clear and glistening
spring water accentuated with a waterfall.
Mr. Lie suggested they stop and take a skinny dip to escape the heat and
relax in the beautiful weather. Mr.
Truth agrees. They undress and leave
their clothes on the side of the pond.
Unbeknownst to him, as Mr. Truth dips deeply under water and returns to
surface in the middle of the pond, he discovers that Mr. Lie has fled and
stolen Mr. Truth’s clothes. Furious with
disdain, Mr. Truth rushes to the pond’s edge, jumps out and runs after Mr.
Lie. Later in the afternoon just before
sundown, the neighboring town of Sleepy Hollow experiences the biggest
commotion the residents had ever seen.
On the far end of town at the Drowsy Saloon above the fray of loud
conversation, games and drinking, bar goers heard a mighty ruckus. The butt naked truth came in town screaming
and demanding his clothes!
In
parabolic genre and tradition of the Gospels, each of these stories contains
moral and ethical lessons. I wish you
imagination, creativity and spiritual insight as you meditate upon these
anonymous stories and glean gems of wisdom.
