The Art of a Pastoral Conversation

The Art of a Pastoral Conversation

¨      A pastoral conversation is not a science.  It is a ministerial art form acquired through the experience of trial and error.

¨      In order to grow at it, one must truly care for the persons whom one seeks to serve.  You can be taught how to communicate effectively in order to serve.  However, you cannot be taught how to care.  Caring is intrinsic.

¨      Consider a pastoral conversation as a theological event.

¨      The counselee is struggling with his perception of God in the midst of his situation.

¨      The counselor is seeking to elucidate the presence of God.

¨      Listening is vitally important.  Moreover, listening with the eyes surpasses the ears in a lot of instances.  Eighty-five percent (85%) of communication is non-verbal.

¨      Find ways to assure the counselee that you are listening to him.

¨      Repeat or paraphrase key statements, i.e., “If I am hearing you correctly, then you would like x.”

¨      Reassure the counselee that the conversation will be kept confidential.

¨      If you need to refer the counselee to someone else or if you need to consult with someone else, state that clearly and concisely.  Straightforwardness lends itself to integrity and accountability

  

¨      Consider all of the components of a situation and its characters:

¨      History

¨      Body - Physical

¨      Soul - Spiritual

¨      Heart - Emotional

¨      Psyche - Psychological

¨      Will - Ego

¨      Mind - Mental

¨      Look for significant and defining patterns.

¨      Take time to sufficiently determine “the problem,” on all of its various levels, before proceeding to propose “the solution.”

¨      Because “the problem” is multi-layered, chances are “the solution” is also.

¨      In defining the problem, remember to utilize the 5 Ws and H:

¨      Who

¨      What

¨      When

¨      Where

¨      Why

¨      How.

¨      Do not be afraid to acknowledge that you do not know something.  If you make fudge, it will eventually melt.  Humility will gain a person’s confidence quicker than a “know-it-all” attitude.  In a lot of instances, your presence will communicate the care and comfort of God and the Church. 

¨      Accordingly, silence is sometimes the most appropriate response.

¨      Beware of transference on behalf of the counselee and yourself.  Know yourself well enough to realize whether your buttons have been pushed.  Observe the counselee to know whether you have pushed a button within him.

¨      Don’t mix apples and oranges.  Stay focused on the matter at hand.

¨      Be clear with the counselee and with yourself about the extent of your willingness, ability, availability and resources to provide help.

¨      Utilize the pastoral conversation to assist the counselee and not yourself.  If it helps you, that should occur as a by-product.

Components of the Dialogue

¨     Ability

¨     Accountability

¨     Analysis

¨     Answers

¨     Assistance

¨     Availability

¨     Characters

¨     Compassion

¨     Confidentiality

¨     Description

¨     Details

¨     Discretion

¨     Discernment

¨     Economics

¨     Empathy

¨     Focus

¨     Follow-up

¨     History

¨     Honesty

¨     How

¨     Humility

¨     Ideology

¨     Integrity

¨     Knowledge

¨     Law

¨     Listening

¨     Memory

¨     Observation

¨     Philosophy

¨     Plot

¨     Politics

¨     Presence

¨     Privilege

¨     Problem Solving

¨     Reassurance

¨     Reconciliation

¨     Reductionism

¨     Referral

¨     Religion (Organized & Institutional)

¨     Resolution

¨     Resources

¨     Restitution

¨     Scene

¨     Setting

¨     Silence

¨     Sociology

¨     Summary

¨     Sympathy

¨     Theology

¨     Theory

¨     Time

¨     Transference

¨     What

¨     When

¨     Where

¨     Who

¨     Why

¨     Willingness

¨     Wisdom

¨     Worldview

¨      Writing – (only when necessary)