Reflections Upon 2 Timothy 1:7 - Part Two

 

“For God had not given us a spirit of fear but love, power and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7) – Part Two

 

I imagine fear is the primary cause of most failure. Fear is one of the greatest enemies a person faces in life. This paralyzing, imprisoning and self-defeating emotion forms during a person’s childhood and formative years. Many parents misguidedly discipline their children with the threat of physical violence. Fearing a “beating,” their children surrender to the parent’s commands. Perpetual fear undermines a child’s confidence, self-esteem and reasoning skills. Verbal violence is another regrettable method of discipline that retards a child’s growth toward self-acceptance. As a writer, I know the power of words to destroy, injure and hurt. Equally, words have potential to heal, restore and reconcile. Parents sometimes fail to appreciate the depths of demoralization and dehumanization to which they subject their children with harsh and brutal words. Grandparents, siblings, extended family and friends also instill penetrating fear into a person’s consciousness through their words and deeds. Fear remains one of the most debilitating outcomes of childhood trauma. Most people spend a lifetime trying to correct deficiencies, incapacities and detrimental consequences borne of fear that they internalized as small children.

 

Decisions made in fear result in loss of courage, dignity and life. Recall the story of David and Goliath. The Philistine giant paralyzes the army of Israel with his booming voice that echoes across the valley. Each morning, he stands at full height and bellows threats to a host of trained and accomplished soldiers. The fear of death magnifies exponentially in their thinking; it prevents them from entertaining any possibility that they could face and defeat Goliath. The giant wins because of their fear. This mismatch of adversaries continues until David appears. In contrast to his countrymen, he approaches the giant in the Name and power of the Holy One of Israel. This Bible story teaches the necessity of conquering fear with faith in the Lord.

 

Personally, I made two major mistakes because I chose fear over faith. I failed to end a disrespectful and hurtful relationship because I feared that I would not have another one. As this was my first relationship, I was too afraid to let go of it. Fear compelled me to allow an unacceptable relationship to become normal. I tolerated verbal violence and disrespectful behavior because I was too afraid of losing the relationship. As I had been battered by injurious and penetrating fear as a child, the person with whom I was in relationship exploited this character defect to her advantage. Retrospectively, I realize that she used my fear to manipulate me. Because of the fear that my family and formative community instilled in me, I tolerated abuse in that relationship. Like Israel’s army recoiling in the response to Goliath’s daily threats, I chose paralysis over proactive action to liberate myself.

 

In second instance, I allowed well-intentioned people to convince me to enter a profession that is incongruent with my gifts, talents, personality and destiny. From second grade, in my heart, I knew exactly what I desired to achieve professionally. Throughout my childhood, I constantly talked of court room drama, litigation and fierce adversarial battles. In college, I choked relating to this aspiration. Out of fear, I chose to pursue another line of work in which I thought I would hit a grand slam. The flame of my heart’s desire would not yield to the extinguishing forces of fear, diversion and distractions. Also, I did not have a Paul in my life to assist me in remaining steadfast in clarifying and pursuing my destiny. My poor performance on a standardized test a few years after graduate school reignited my volcano of fear. The lava of disillusionment, anxiety and embarrassment made me susceptible to misdirected advice from colleagues and friends. My fear forced me to seek a psychosocially respectable escape route.

 

Parenthetically, the human spirit cannot remain imprisoned to fear. As spiritual beings on a human journey, we are not meant to live in fear. I eventually realized that my fears had become larger than life itself. One day during a run in a city park, I stopped, sat on a bench and saw just how small my life had become. My joys, ambitions, hobbies, interests and relationships with family and friends had shriveled to the size and essence of a raisin. I offered one of the most simplistic yet genuine prayers I ever uttered. “O Lord, I need your help.” God answered by empowering me with inner fortitude to forsake my fears. I began to trust Him. Whereas I did not know what would unfold in my life, I certainly knew it was preferable to what I was experiencing. Living in fear is not living. Interestingly, that relationship lasted only two and a half years, but it felt like an eternity. In stark contrast, I celebrated thirty-one years of  blissful relationship in a healthy, mature and fulfilling marriage. My wife and I have two wonderful and amazing young adult children.  Three plus decades have passed as if they were a single day.

 

The same amount of time has elapsed since that awful performance on that standardized test. The world has become a international village. Everyone is a neighbor with people who live on opposite sides of the globe. Online degree options offer infinite possibilities to people to attain their dreams and goals. By the grace of God, the pilot light beckoning me toward self-realization and fulfillment of my destiny burns as brightly as ever. I seek God’s guidance regarding my goals. I will serve Him in service to marginalized and vulnerable people within my community. I will write further as this part of the journey unfolds.

 

As I celebrate victory over my fears, I consider the second component of Paul’s counsel to Timothy. As God has not given us a spirit of fear, He graciously and abundantly shares his unfailing love with us. John, the Beloved Disciple and Author of the Fourth Gospel and The Epistles, says straightforwardly, “God is love.” (1John 4:8) God replaces fear with faith. Grace, hope, joy and peace emanate from God’s love. These divine attributes obliterate fear. When a disciple rests confidently in God’s love, it is impossible for fear to overwhelm him. The Psalter declares “I sought the Lord; He heard my cry and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4) A victim of Roman governmental oppression for espousing a religious system that contradicts emperor worship, Paul does not theorize in his appeal to Timothy. His words undoubtedly echo within the chambers of Paul’s mind and heart. Paul combats his own fears of torture, mob rule, unjust incarceration and death. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11) Paul perseveres and relies on God’s love to sustain him as he faithfully discharges his ministry as the apostle to the Gentiles.